Be Brave, Be Kind.
I have been writing but not online. (not really HAHA.) I believe for those who always write to express or really did consistently write a diary know that words don't come out easily. I don't know is it the feelings are too strong to be described by words or my words are just too empty to do so. Or is it just me? I think it's just me. HA HA.
I know I have said this so many times, that I have been trying to write, but always end up blank in mind, empty in words. I do have thoughts...you know. Sometimes, they are too fast to be caught. Sometimes, feelings are too strong until they won't last. Actually, I don't know, I'm just bullshitting my way around. Sometimes, it does feel so strong but as I hold my pen or turn on my laptop, things went blank. Soul felt empty.
I was never a good writer. If I have to say, I'm a good expressor. (not sure if this word exist but whatever.) I'm a person who can express myself in words or...I thought so. Maybe I'm just too sensitive or empathy. I just like to find my way around words to express how I really felt deep down. But I was never good with vocab. I couldn't find the right words to express. You see being able to speak many different languages does have its own disadvantages. It makes you feel like you belong nowhere, ya know. You could fit in, but never belong. You are able to understand and feel it ...but always a part of it, is missing. The part where you dedicates yourself to another thing. Because that one whole thing wasn't your all. Everyone has that one place where they belong and I know I don't. I'm a free wild soul like a bird. In fact, not really aye. Birds always have a nest that is waiting for they return while I have a whole world ahead of me, waiting. But I am proud for who I am or what kind of fate and life I have. Because my mum raised me to be like this.
Sometimes, in this world there are people who are too extreme or had a too extreme life. One thing for sure, I'm extremely perfect, not me really...but the life I lived in. Because being gracious is all that matters.
I have no idea how my words had made people feel, but I know how it made me feel. That's enough. I do love to write and read. Like I mentioned (just my opinion, don't shoot me.) before, it's like package. For those who love to write, will love to read. For those who loved to read, used to love to write. My words made me felt closer to the world, the world to myself, to everything. For those who is like me, love what I love. Does that make you feel that way too? Writing is an art, an art to soul. In fact, art itself is already a soul creation.
I feel like I have no been here for like ages. But, I always had this feeling, someone is always reading my blog. Though I know I'm the only one. Call this narcissism, but being a little bit of narcissistic is good for the soul. I can believe in whatever I want, no harm having a little faith aye? (or I'm just too dramatic HA HA.)
Life goes on, really. The more I grow up, the more things I have been through. The more silent that I have been, about you know writing out what just happen, how I do feel. Sometimes, even words can't describe growth, especially, the growth that happens in heart and soul. (a.k.a mentally) But you know, I like to sounds like I'm super educated. hehe. Though I went missing on this blogs for decades....but I feel like this blog always hit on point of my highlights of life. Or it didn't, just my heart remembers it all so well. I finally know why sometimes people say silent is golden, because it indeed is.
I was not a good person. In fact, no one was. But we will be better, I hope so. But one thing for sure, is that I will. I won't be the best because I will always be better. Because, I will grow. This I know.
What an random update. Who knows maybe there will be another any sooner. (or never HA HA) But again, who knows.
You know what kills my brain cell the most? Always had to think of a post title every time. REALLY? What words are powerful enough to represent this whole post? OMG. legit, none right?? (or I'm just too obviously naive....shhhh shut up! I'm smart k! OR NOT...but hey-)
Okay let's give this update a title called : Be Brave, Be Kind.....
Because basically that's what you need to do for the rest of your life. ( a tool in life or just in my life.)